“We’re currently flying over Muscle Shoals, Alabama,” the pilot said.
That woke me up and right on time.
“Oh, excuse me. May I have a Coke?” I asked.
The flight attendant had just buzzed by my row.
I needed to wake up so I could write this. It might be my only opportunity to get it done. I needed the caffeine too.
I’m 38,000 feet in the air en route to Denver to entertain Air Force personnel at Schriever and Buckley Air Force bases in Colorado. I’d never heard of either of them until Thom Tran, my friend and creator of The GIs of Comedy, said we were going there. We’re doing Ellsworth AFB in South Dakota too. Now that one I’ve not only heard of but I’ve also driven right past it amongst the dead rattlesnakes and Wall Drug signs.
I hope there’s at least one reader who gets that.
The north terminal economy parking was full, so I got all discombobulated and parked in the south terminal’s lot. I thought I was going to be late but I made it with plenty of time to spare.
It’s going to be a fun and rewarding trip. I’ll be only gone for four days this time. We actually had a show recently and I am so incredibly tired and everything hurts.
My alarm was set for 4:30 but it never had the chance to go off. I was awake for just about the entire five hours I laid there. I never sleep when I know I have to get up early. Heck, I seldom sleep period. Bees don’t sleep at all. They’re too busy.
The plane was shaking. I hate turbulence. It can be rather frightening. Still, I always believe that I’d be the one to walk away from a crash. I truly believe that. I’m a survivor.
I have been busy as a bee this past week. I had doctors’ appointments in Columbus and Tuskegee. Abby had to go to the pediatric clinic for a couple of shots.
We went to Americus, Georgia, to get some used tires from my friend Marty who owns Marty’s New and Used Tires. When the wires are showing, it’s way past time. I met Marty at a show I did at his church last year. He was a blessing. Americus also happens to be where Lucy was born and the headquarters of Habitat for Humanity, which was founded by my cousin, Millard Fuller, whom I never had the pleasure of meeting. (I hope I used whom correctly. I never know and usually avoid it at all costs.) It was a fun day.
I spoke at the “20 Under 40” graduation dinner in Opelika. I was introduced by my cousin, Opelika Mayor Gary Fuller, whom I definitely know. He and my dad were first cousins. I talked about Opelika for 20 minutes. Topics included Norma Rae, Stink Creek and roundabouts. The mayor got a kick out of that. We had a good time.
Lucy and I joined some of our colleagues within the Tallapoosa River Beekeepers Association to teach second-graders at Reeltown Elementary School about bees.
Save the bees. We desperately need them to survive — even me.
They did this for all second-graders in Tallapoosa County; however, this was the first one for me. I’ve been out of town a lot lately. Lucy actually taught at all of them and did a great job. She’s a natural. I just stood there and showed the students pictures. Lucy did the bee dance too. I don’t dance ... except with Abigail.
Of course we celebrated Mother’s Day. I was at Walmart early Sunday morning making the walk of shame with countless other men but we got it done. We didn’t do anything fancy. We try to keep things simple. We had our mammas there and had a great time. Lucy beautifully set the table while I cooked everything: ham, mac and cheese, lima beans, deviled eggs, corn on the cob and rolls. At the risk of sounding arrogant, it sure was good. Abby loves deviled eggs.
We ate leftovers for three days.
We also moved a lot of furniture. Lucy redoes furniture and sells it online and at Longleaf Antique Mall in Alexander City. It’s booth A-18 if you ever want to check it out. She does a great job.
We even picked up two old windows off the side of the road. We asked the owner for permission first. Don’t ever throw that kind of stuff away. We love it and will come get it. One man’s junk is another man’s treasure.
I left the house this morning at 4:45 a.m. I looked in on Abby and told her I loved her without waking her. Lucy had been up with her a bit earlier, so I didn’t want to bother her but I did anyway. I hugged her while she slept and told her I loved her too. She mumbled four words back to me, so that was good enough.
As I was leaving the bedroom with bags in hand, she raised her head and said, “Hey.” This was going to be sweet, I thought. “Can you turn the light off in the bathroom?”
How’d she even know it was on? She was lying in the opposite direction and the door was closed. It’s like a sixth sense. She’s like the grandpa who can be sound asleep but wakes up because one of the grandkids left the door cracked on the other side of the house. It’s a superpower.
We’re getting ready to land. I’ll meet my two buddies, pick up the rental and drive to the base and get ready for the show tonight. It’s going to be a busy day and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Jody Fuller is a comic, speaker, writer and soldier with three tours of duty in Iraq. He is also a lifetime stutterer. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. For more information, please visit www.jodyfuller.com