Gerald Hallmark

Boy, this virus business has really gotten serious. I heard the authorities talk about quarantine and sheltering in place. Most of us in the South have just gone about our normal days until someone explained to us that quarantine and shelter in place means hunker down. Why didn’t they say that to begin with? 

Once I heard that, I hoarded up on M&Ms, checked the batteries on my remote and hit my lounger. I told my wife I was going to do all I could to comply with the rules and save the world. She told me I was going to sit in that chair for two weeks, eat 50 pounds of M&Ms and have to be hospitalized for a diabetic coma because of all the sugar. It’s a chance I’m willing to take.

I also noticed where people were putting up their outside Christmas lights to cheer up the neighborhood and make people feel better. Talk about being ahead of the curve because I haven’t taken mine down. I just plugged those suckers in and now I look like the neighborhood hero. I could also light the candles in my pumpkins, but they have pretty well had it. However, my Valentine door decoration looks really nice.

We have examined this situation closely and even suspended church services for the rest of the month. We’ll be broadcasting on YouTube and that is important because it will help our older adults get their Sunday morning naps. It won’t be in their pews where they normally sleep, but this should help. I stopped by the altar after we made this decision and said a prayer for all our folks. Then as I was walking out I saw the offering plates and broke down and wept! For all of you watching your churches on TV please don’t forget God’s tithes and your offerings to His church. Have faith in God and know He has you just like the entire congregation has faith in His ability to provide for His people.

My poor little bride is in that high-risk category with her health issues so we aren’t going out, or allowing anyone in. It’s just me and her for the next few weeks. Being isolated with just ourselves should be an experience we haven’t had in years. By the end of the second week it ought to be interesting to see if 56 years of marriage still works. I may not make it because I heard her say that the Hallmark Channel was going to have a marathon of all their Christmas movies from last season and she couldn’t wait. So much for my marathon of “Gunsmoke.” I’ll just binge on my M&Ms and try to get through this impending crisis.

You do know that God has us in the palm of His hand and that this virus is not a surprise to Him? It is not the plagues of Egypt or the apocalypse; it’s just a virus that all the 24 hour news stations are gushing over. I can’t imagine how the Black Plague would have been reported by these people in the Middle Ages. In a month or so this will settle down and all the politicians will take credit for saving humanity with their wisdom and actions. The truth is, death is a part of life and all of us will stand before God to give account for ourselves. If nothing else, this time ought to be a time of reflection on priorities and promises about God.

Oh, by the way if you’re at the store pick up an extra bag of M&Ms. You can just ring the door bell and leave them on the front porch by the dead pumpkins. I’ll sanitize the sack and bless you in my prayers.