Archived Story

Super Bowl watchers score calories

Published 11:33am Saturday, February 2, 2013

This is it.

The Bro Bowl. The last official fling of the pigskin ‘till August. The pinnacle of sport commercialization.

Of course I’m speaking of Sunday’s big game.

Coach John Harbaugh of the Baltimore Ravens squares off against his brother coach Jim Harbaugh of the San Francisco 49ers in the New Orleans Superdome for Super Bowl XLVII.

If you don’t know that, reach down and grab your wrist and check for a pulse.

It’s what America’s watching Sunday – pretty much all day Sunday. CBS will kick off “Super Bowl Today” at noon Alabama time, and the real kick off will be 5 ½ hours later, at 5:30 p.m. our time.

The game should be a fine match-up. Professional odds makers say the Ravens have only a 3 ½ point advantage, so it ought to be a close one.

Commercials will be at the top of their game, and a significant portion of you will turn on the tube only to see commercials that cost a gazillion dollars a second. By the way, don’t miss the Go Daddy ad that teams up Sports Illustrated supermodel Bar Rafelia with a no-so-attractive blotchy-faced guy named Walter.

It’s what America’s going to be talking about Monday.

Unless the halftime show includes a Beyonce wardrobe malfunction.

That’s what a significant portion of America’s hoping for, but probably won’t get.

What America’s not counting on is the lingering Super Bowl hangover that even those who sip sweet tea during the game will likely face next week.

I’m talking about calories consumed during Super Bowl day and night.

According to a press release I received this week, we’re in for a doozie of a feed-fest.

Here’s some “facts” – I put this in quotation marks because this came from the City University of New York’s School of Public Health at Hunter College, which isn’t exactly a well-known source of information in these parts – about what America’s eating and what it takes to burn off those calories:

ν A handful of pita chips dunked in artichoke dip equals running 141 football fields. Each chip and dip is worth about 93 calories, but don’t ask me how many makes “a handful.”

ν Two slices of Domino’s Bacon Cheeseburger Feast Hand-Tossed Specialty Pizza (a 16-incher) equals 193 touchdown dances in the end zone. Each slice is 490 calories.

ν Six Traditional Hand-Spun Buffalo Wild Wings wings dipped in Ranch dressing equals doing the wave 6,480 times. That’s standing up and waving your hands and sitting back down 6,480 times. Total calorie count is 1,330.

ν A full order of Outback Baby Back Ribs equals 123 minutes of team practicing and conditioning. That’s a total of 1,156 calories and a can’t-get-out-of-bed-in-the-morning workout.

ν Three Pepsies. Or Pepsis. (Does anybody know the plural of Pepsi?)  That will cost you 57 minutes of dancing with Beyonce during the halftime show. Probably worth it if you ask me.

ν Three Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Beers equals 211 minutes of coaching football. That’s close to four hours of pacing and hollering with your neck veins bulging out. And you may have a real hangover to boot.

What are the odds that most Super Bowl partiers go for the chips and dip, the beers and the ribs … and a couple of wings and a slice or two of pizza? I couldn’t find published odds, but I’m guessing it’s an even bet.

Ray Lewis isn’t going to burn that many calories in the Superdome Sunday evening.

So unless you’re planning on a Sunday scale-back fast, you might want to plan on donning your workout clothes Monday and hitting the field. And plan on staying out there a while.

Boone is publisher of The Outlook.