Archived Story

‘Tis a horri-bowl season

Published 10:20am Friday, December 21, 2012

I know I am in the minority, but I still like the college football bowl system. It just scares me that a playoff system would balloon to an extraordinary number (see: NCAA tournament) and ruin what is the best regular season in sports.
That said, the way we select our bowl combatants is just awful. There has to be another way to make sure that some of these bowls get better, more common-sense match ups.
Sure, there are some nice games, but for every ‘Bama versus Notre Dame game there is a stinker of equal or greater value.
For example, check out these gems below which I am dubbing the six worst bowls of the season…
* The Beef O’Brady’s Bowl (UCF v. Ball State): The combined records may be 18-7, but the teams are as sexy as a South Dakotan bikini contest. Maybe this game would be more interesting if the winner got a free trip to Beef O’Brady’s (and the loser had to actually eat there).
* The New Orleans Bowl  (East Carolina v. Louisiana- Lafayette):  Directional school versus hyphenated university. Excuse me while I curb my excitement. I always watch football if I can, but I don’t think I could Clockwork Orange myself into watching this rancid vat of gumbo.
* The Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl (TCU v. Michigan State): MSU hasn’t walked straight since Saban and company booted the Spartans back to East Lansing in January of 2011. Iowa beat Michigan State this year. To let you know how heinous of a crime that is, Iowa lost their spring game.
TCU meanwhile is still kiting Andy Dalton checks. Call me when purple turtle necks are truly popular or when coach Gary Patterson takes a new gig.
* The Armed Forces Bowl (Rice v. Air Force): Only one thing would make this bowl watchable: Bring in the Coast Guard. Not to play football or anything; just bring them in with helicopters and life boats. Let them randomly give players CPR even if they don’t need it, etc.
Otherwise it’s just another example of America’s war on carbohydrates (Air Force versus Rice … Get it?…. Yeah, well, bad bowl games equal bad jokes).
*The Meineke Car Care Bowl (Texas Tech v. Minnesota): Talk about irony: Meineke is sponsoring a bowl with two teams from places where cars tend not to start (Minnesota) or can’t ever find (Lubbock, TX).
To subtract from the drama, former AU coach Tommy Tuberville recently snuck out of Texas Tech to become the head man at Cincinnati while wearing that huge, red mustache off of the Red Raider mascot so as to not be noticed…… True story.
*The Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl (Navy v. Arizona State): Is it bad that 10,000 hungry children sent in a petition to Kraft saying, “You know what? We were fat anyway….. Can you just call off this game?”
When the Sun Devils and the Midshipmen get together, you can throw out the record books and the TV as well because no one will be watching.
I obviously cannot defend these bowl games, but it doesn’t mean the system is totally bunk.
If there weren’t these nonsensical bowl tie-ins (like Northern Illinois’ being a must-take for the Orange Bowl or Wisconsin’s winning the Big 10 despite having a 7-5 record), this system could thrive.
Georgia, Florida, Clemson, Texas A&M, Oregon and Kansas State don’t deserve shots at the BCS title, but they should all be playing a combination of one another in the other BCS games. Oregon versus Florida, A&M taking on Florida State and Clemson against UGA?
So what if the Big 10 and Big East champs are left out? My suggestion would be to do better next year and try to stay ranked above number 35 in the country!
I just want a bowl game I can stomach to wash down this fruit cake!
Robinson  is a columnist for Sportz Blitz.